Alone with Chronic Pain


It has been a while since I’ve posted (other than Walk for a Dog) something on WordPress. I haven’t even been able to read my follower’s posts. It makes me feel a little sad because I usually get such joy out of writing and I may not have internet access soon.

My boyfriend and I had broken off things a few months ago and our lease expires at the end of August. My name finally came up for housing so I will be living in a housing unit. I’m not really excited to live on housing and to deal with all the paperwork but it will feel good to have my own place. I actually have a place in mind that I would love to live in but am not going to say anything on this post in case I jinx myself. 🙂 So, to be continued…

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I didn’t feel like myself, I couldn’t get comfortable, and I was in pain. Not only was I dealing with my chronic pain but I was also completely alone. Some days I can handle it, some days I can’t. As I was laying in bed listening to the thunderstorm, these thoughts popped into my head. I knew I had to write them down otherwise I would keep thinking about them. I was too tired to write so I did a voice recording. This is what I had said:

Your family members are in chronic pain as well so they can’t help. You don’t have any close friends that you feel you can count on to ask for the help. Everyone has their own lives and are busy, they can’t sit and take care of you. At times like this, it’s where you are alone and you just want someone to be there. Your one close sibling has 5 kids so you don’t want to ask her for help. You’re living with your ex-boyfriend and I’m not going to go there on that subject (because I no longer try to write about my relationship woes on WordPress, as much as I want to at times…).

You just want someone to sit with you, even if they can’t help in any medical way. Just having them sitting there helps. I have Storm as my companion dog but sometimes you want a person that cares about you. Some people may say, “Well just give me a call and we can chat.” No, I don’t want to talk on the phone, I was someone physically here.

They have an organization here that can send someone to your place to help with your disabilities. I called them Friday and found out their services are only limited to people on Medicaid, which I am not able to receive. Apparently sometimes they can offer the services for a fee, but for someone on my income it would cost $400 a month. I asked if they take in consideration what I pay a month for rent and they said no. What the fuck?!? I told them I was moving into housing, that I was not just blowing my money left and right, or that I had money to blow.

“Well, there’s a lady that does some financing and she might be able to help…” That’s when I stopped listening. So, I guess we will see how it goes once the time comes…

*Thank you to for use of photo.


A new Lupus symptom for me


Upon waking on Sunday, February 1st, I looked at the bathroom mirror and groaned. Pink eye. Awesome. The weather was super crappy and I was trying to decide if I wanted to go into acute care. I figured it could wait another day but texted my mom to let her know that I would be needing a ride some time on Monday. She mentioned she had the grandkids so it would be easier if we went on this crappy weather day. So I gave in and she told me she would be on her way to pick me up.

Once I saw that she was at my place, I quickly went to her vehicle and opened the door.

“Here,” mom said while thrusting black gloves in my face. “I am NOT getting sick and I don’t want your germs.” I looked at her. Her eyes went wide and she said, “I’m serious!” So I pulled the gloves on and we took off.

Once inside the acute center, the doctor checked out my left eye. She sat down to log onto the computer and spent a couple minutes scrolling. She sat up and informed me that she would be right back. I sat there confused while waiting for her to return. Why didn’t she just say that I had pink eye?

After a few minutes she came in with a piece of paper, which she gives me, then sits down.

“It’s not pink eye,” she stated. Then she began to tell me that sometimes with Lupus patients, they get what is called Episcleritis. This is inflammation of the whites of the eyes. She mentioned I have to make sure it doesn’t get worse and have it checked out by an eye doctor. She gave me a prescription, but it was basically like a high dose of Aleve.

A couple days later I went to my eye doctor and she explained what it was (same answer as acute doctor). She wanted to give me some eye drops since that is what we were trying to treat, it only makes sense. She prescribed a very small bottle of Tobramycin and Dexamethasone Ophthalmic Suspension (I’m just listing what the box read) and I was to place one drop four times a day for five days. It worked just fine.

I noticed a couple of things before I had to go in but didn’t pay much attention to them. My eyes seemed to have more gook than normal when waking up and during the day. My eyes were painful but I figured my allergies were just starting up. But now I know, and knowing is half the battle (Yes, that is a G.I. Joe reference).