During my teenage years I thought people could still stay friends when they broke up but now I have different thoughts. For me, I am beginning to believe in order to truly let go, I must sever all ties with that person. That includes throwing away any old pictures, notes and a way to check up on that person (i.e. Facebook). Some people mention that it’s even harder to let go this time period because of Facebook and the ability to always check up on them. I agree with that thought 100%.

I recently looked at an ex’s Facebook page. We haven’t talked in a while since he got a girlfriend; which truly makes me happy for him. Yet, I began to start going through all the thoughts of why I did certain things in the relationship and why I stayed with him after we broke things off. I had hopes that I could prove how much he meant to me and wanted to once again become a couple. He would always say no but I stuck around going out of my way for him, thinking that I could change his mind. Of course that didn’t work.

A while ago, one of my best friends (who is also an ex) started dating someone. I realized too late after our relationship that I loved him. Well, I realized it early but never told him until after he had been dating this chic for some time. I didn’t want to say it to him when we were dating or when we were close friends. Because once those words are out there, it makes things that much more true and you can’t take it back. And I am not one to throw the “L” word around unless I mean it.

I soon didn’t hear much from him, which is completely understandable. I found it agonizing to look at any pictures of them together. So I did what I had to do and deleted him from Facebook and from my cell phone.

He contacted me after they broke up and realized I deleted him from Facebook. I came clean about everything and like a true friend he accepted it without getting mad at what I had done. He understood the reasons for my actions.

Before I deleted him from Facebook and everything else I was a complete mess for weeks, constantly sobbing (like I am now while writing this). It was as though we just broke things off and he was the one to do it, when in reality I was the one that originally called it off some years ago.

I still have very strong feelings for him and I know he doesn’t feel the same. Once again, I feel I must break contact with him because it is just too hard for me. I don’t know what else to do. I seem to keep running away from him even though I know it only makes things worse. I guess I don’t know how to deal with my feelings. I wish I could be as strong as he was when things were the other way around, but I’m not. I know I will want to be friends again if he lets me; he’s had such an impact on my life. I just don’t know how long it will take me to let go.