One week ago, I had to take back my leased, blue Honda CR-V to the dealership. I wish I could say I was done with the lease but in fact I still had a year left to pay on it. I could not afford the payments thanks to my new $500 monthly COBRA health insurance cost. I am solely on Social Security Disability and even with the ridiculously expensive insurance payments I still have to fork over around $300 for my monthly prescriptions. That doesn’t leave me with much leftover.

Note: I am very behind on this blog, but yes, I was finally accepted by Social Security.

My mother followed me to the dealership in her Toyota Camry so I would have a ride back home. Once inside the dealership, I asked for Jill (the sales person I deal with) and had to wait a couple minutes as she was busy. She came over with a smile and asked why I was there.

“I need…” I literally could not get the rest of the words out of my mouth. Tears started to form and I told myself to be strong.

“I need…” Shit! Once again I could not finish the sentence. It was almost as I was trying to talk a foreign language but somehow didn’t read a certain part of the language book.

My eyes swelled with tears as I could feel them on the very small edge of my eyelids. I could feel my face getting warm.

“Here, let’s go somewhere a little more private,” stated Jill once realizing it may take a bit before I could get the words out. We walked over to a lonely office on a corner and sat down.

“What’s going on,” Jill asked quietly.

“I need to bring back the CR-V… as I can no longer afford it,” I cried finally finishing my very first words to her. I gave her an update on my life/financial status while she looked up my information on the computer. I told her I was already behind one payment if not two. She sat up from the desk and told me she would be right back.

I was still crying when my mom beside me asked if there was anything she could do. I said, “Don’t talk about it.” She respected my wishes and we sat in the quiet as I tried to stop crying.

“It’s just not fair,” I said and the sobbing started all over. Mom agreed with my statement and then Jill came back to the desk asking for my vehicle keys.

“We are going to look at the car and try and see if we can buy it from you so it doesn’t get repo’d.”

Once again, my mom respected my wishes and we sat quietly as we waited. Jill came back with the keys and said they would buy it out from me but if I could do her a favor and come back Monday for the paperwork as she had four current customers waiting for her. I told her I would and my mom and I left the dealership. I didn’t talk much that night at home.

Mom was going to leave for Las Vegas Sunday night so we went back to Vern Eide and dropped off my car. On Monday, I took her car to go sign the paperwork.

So it’s done, I no longer have a vehicle. I no longer have the vehicle I was planning on having for 20 years. I hope someday I might be able to have another car but time will only tell.

I have more to say but this blog post seemed a bit much to give you after not hearing from me for months. I will post again soon—I promise!