Three months ago (yes, I know that I am behind on my writing) I found out that I won my Social Security hearing! They ended up sending the award letter to the wrong address so I found out about the information from my attorney. One day I decided to call her to see if they heard any progress and she informed me that I won. I asked her how she knew and that is when I found out about the letter. I sat there dumbfounded. I think I never really thought they would accept me after getting denied two times.  It took me a couple seconds before I asked some questions. I told her I would soon stop by her office so I could get a copy of the letter.

I hit the brightly red END button on my cell phone and just sat there. I won. I was happy but I expected myself to be overjoyed, screaming at the top of my lungs and calling everyone I knew. But I just sat there and that bothered me. Had it not sunk in yet? Or did I realize that now being on Social Security, that some of my freedom would be taken away and I would just live at poverty level? Or that maybe I wasn’t quite ready for this new unforeseen future to begin? After some time I finally texted mom to call me when she went on her work break, you just can’t text that big of news to anyone. Slowly I began to get the word out about my great news.

My attorney said Social Security will send me a “bunch” of information on what to do next, what I need to know, etc. I am still waiting for this. I received “some” information but not enough as I have visited their administrative office at least five times now since I have been accepted. It had left me very anxious as I had bills from not being able to work and I wanted to start this new chapter in life. It is so frustrating not knowing anything. It makes it difficult to figure out your bills and where you will be living. And I’m a planner. Plan, plan, plan; I have never been much of doing things on a whim. I’m actually surprised my brain still works after constant thinking for MONTHS. I figured it would have turned to goo by now.

I need to start calling places again for low income apartments; I’m starting to feel a little crazy at my parents. I am being treated like a child again, which I knew was bound to happen at some point. But after going over some expenses, I am beginning to think that I may have to stay here longer than I want to.

In October, my monthly amount finally kicked in and this week I finally received my back pay amount! It felt great to get rid of some of the medical bills that have been sitting around for months.  I was disappointed to find out they took out taxes for my back pay amount. It would have been nice if they warned me in the letter. But it’s the government—I should have expected it. So, hopefully things settle into place soon and I can relax a little more.



*Thanks to for the use of picture