This blog post was origingally written on 6-21-11.

My mom kept getting after me about staying at her place after my gallbladder surgery. Over and over I told her no and that I would be fine. I figured, I would need help for about three hours. But, she was right… again.

My recovery from surgery was difficult (Please keep in mind of my illnesses, every surgery is different for everyone). Surgery knocked me on my butt. Upon waking up, I realized I needed to go recover at my mom’s because there’s no way I could do it at my place alone. So much for trying to prove that I was right.

During the first couple days I was completely helpless. The surgery kickstarted my fibromylgia. Not only was my anterior side in pain but my posterier side as well.The heating pad and I became best friends that week.

I was so weak that I could not even lay myself down for bed. My mother would put her arm under my neck while her other held my hand. At one point the pain so bad that she couldn’t lower me with her arm under my neck. I had to end up “falling” on my back to lay down.

The headaches were still a daily occurence. At times the headaches made it impossible to sleep, which was the only relief I had. They put me on Vicodin and four others (at a single time of couse) but they were too much for my stomach and made me sick. The anethesia was still in my system which also made me nauseous. I don’t think I will have another cracker ever again seeing it was my every meal.

I have never been that depressed and often broke down. I wished the days away, hoping the next day I would magically feel better and would be bouncing all over the place. I was tired of being in pain; I just wanted to be pain free. All I could do is sit there and try to find ways to keep myself sane.

While growing up, our mom (and sometimes society) taught my sister and I to be strong and not to show any emotion. We ended up perfecting this. My sister and I have a tendency to be strong and believe that we don’t need a man in our life. That we will be fine and can do everything on our own. And I feel we can. But you know what? Living life alone isn’t very fun.

For the first time in my life, I very much wanted someone else in my life. I know my mother won’t be around forever. I can’t depend on her to always take care of me when I can’t take care of myself. My mom didn’t mind babying me that week but I felt like such a burden. Some of my support group members/friends are all in different states. I felt completely alone. It’s nice to know that someone will always be there for you. And it’s nice to share experiences with someone else.

I thought that maybe from now on, I should meet guys the “old fashion” way and not by computer. But with my condition of everything going on right now, I decided to log back on to after I promised myself that I would stay away from the site. But, now I am excited to see what the future will bring.