Recently, a long, depressing chapter in my life finally ended. Let’s recap the past: Aaron, the owner of the house I was living in, told me that I had to move out due to his girlfriend moving in.  Understandable, but I was frustrated because I had nowhere to go. I had very little money to live on so I could not rent a “normal” apartment.  I put my name on the low income based housing waiting lists but I was advised I would have to wait six to twelve months before my name came up.

My sister, Mel, took me in under her wings and let me live on her couch. Thankfully, her couch is somewhat comfortable (there is nothing like your own bed). My dog, Storm, slept on the bottom 1/3rd portion of the couch so I didn’t get much for “good” sleep. But, it was cute and melted my heart knowing that she wanted to be by my side no matter what situation we were in. Next to the couch was a little, organized pile of my things that I used on a daily basis. Anything else I had, such as clothes would go in Mel’s bedroom or the main bathroom.

I wasn’t sure how things would go regarding her kids. There is nothing bad about her kids, it’s just that I am not used to being around them. With school starting, the kids would be up and running around as early as 6:30 am. It was a nuisance at first but eventually I became used to it so I would be falling asleep after they left. Storm was receiving so much attention from the kids that she was able to get rid of some of her daily energy. A tired dog is a good dog. 🙂

My time at my sister’s went better than expected. I figured we would fight all the time like when we were growing up, but there was no hostility. The difficult part was trying to get used to no longer having any privacy and having my own bedroom. Yes, I had privacy in the bathroom, but not the relaxing kind of privacy.

During this time, I was denied by Social Security and by short term disability through the bank. So I hired an attorney and appealed (and recently was appealed by the short term disability again. We are now on the third try). And because of this, I still did not have any income other than from my part time job. When I was able to pick up hours at work, I gave Mel a small amount to help with the bills. I had plenty to make up for.  So when possible, I washed/dried her laundry, cleaned, and watched her kids. I wanted to let her know how much I appreciated her taking me in, when financially, she shouldn’t have.

I look back on my three long months there and am glad that I was able to spend time with my niece and hyper nephews. I enjoyed seeing what they had learned in school and was astonished to see how their individual minds worked. It was priceless to watch their faces once something clicked in their mind and they finally understood what was in front of them.

And now, a bright, new chapter started in my life. I began spending more time with Erik (also known as Bunger), who is a good friend of mine from high school. I found out he had a dog as well so we started meeting up at the dog park. Soon we started spending more time with each other, minus our dogs. He would sit and listen to me vent about the assholes I kept dating. After a short time, we spent even more time together and thought: “What if we make it official?”

Some time ago, I could have taken things further with a different good friend of mine who would have also treated me like a princess. I was scared that this other friend might be the guy I have been looking for all this time, so like a kid, I dragged my feet on bringing up the subject with him. But, someone else grabbed him (who is now his fiancé) before I did. I regret dragging my feet and not pursing something when I had the chance. He is such a GREAT guy and I hope his fiancé knows that.

When deciding if Bunger and I should take things further, I thought of this other good guy friend and I told myself, ‘No! I will not pass up another great guy!’ I learned my lesson. Bunger is so sweet and he keeps treating me like a princess (which I secretly LOVE!). I’m not used to a man doing so many nice things for me. He has a huge heart and is so attentive to my lupus (which is major for me). He showers me with little gifts, which I love. It’s all about the small things in life! Mel absolutely adores him which says a lot because he is only the second guy that I have dated that she approves of.

We wanted to start off slow, but soon it seemed we were taking things fast. After being friends for 15 years, we were very comfortable with each other so we welcomed the change. When dating some of my past boyfriends, I had a habit of not being upfront about certain things because I didn’t want to rock the boat. But with Bunger, I never held back and would tell him like it is. He’s mentioned that is one of the things he loves about me. Our dogs know how relaxed we are with each other; they also act like they have been friends for years. Which is a relief because I know we both would never get rid of our own dog if we had to.

Bunger and I were somewhat in the same position with certain things in our lives so we casually talked about moving in with each other. Then Mel dropped a bomb on me—she wanted me to find a different place to live. I began freaking out because I didn’t have anywhere else to go and I still hadn’t heard anything from the low income housing waiting list. When Bunger heard about my situation, we visited some more then decided to move in with each other. J In the past, if a boyfriend of two months would have asked me to move in with him I would have said no, and that we should wait until later. But it wasn’t that way with Bunger; I was excited of the thought of living with him. I have never lived with a boyfriend before and he’s never lived with a girlfriend so this is a new experience for both of us.  

Bunger and I realized looking for a place to live would be limited because we had two dogs and most places only allow one dog. Most places also have a weight restriction on dogs and Storm far exceeded what was allowed. My friend/co-worker, Rebecca, mentioned something about where she lived so we checked it out. It’s fantastic! And no dog weight restrictions!

Not knowing if you will have place to live with little to no income does damage to the body. I have gained weight—about thirty pounds during this whole process. I haven’t done anything different exercise-wise or food-wise, and it is crazy because the weight seemed to come over night. I feel like I am pregnant due to all the stretch marks on my body. I do gain weight however it has always been slow. But I never had to deal with this before. I am disgusted at myself and feel ashamed. I can barely fit into any of my clothes and want my old body back. In addition, I can’t do much of any kind of exercise right now because I recently sprained my left ankle.

Another sign of stress, that is also common among women, is suddenly not having a period. I knew I lost mine to stress but that itself stressed me out. With the stomach and breasts weight gain, I started to worry if I had possibly become pregnant. I don’t think I would be able to be sane with everything happening right now if I became pregnant. I was so scared that I mentally and physically could not buy pregnancy tests even though I knew that is what I should do. So, I made my sister buy a pregnancy test; I did both tests in the box and thankfully they were negative.

I know I am in a depressive state right now so I have decided that when I sign in to Facebook, I am going to list something positive or something that I am thankful for each day. I know I have to get my mind in shape before I can start on my body. 

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