I entered this in my old blog on 2-10-11

I need to make more time to write. I have this site up, I should be using it. Not only that but to entertain people (if any) that follow me.

This blog post may be on the borderline of entertainment and boredom so I will have to come up with something new and exciting soon. I had started to blog on Myspace because I wasn’t sure where else I could write other than there. I am going to be getting rid of Myspace but wanted to keep the blogs so I figured I would save a tree stump. It is interesting to see how my writing has/has not changed. Here are my past entries:

Oct 5, 2006
YOU

Upon going through my boxes for storage I came across my old cartoon drawings, my old letters and even my old poem I wrote. I normally do not write poems. It’s not my thing to do I guess but I love them when they rhyme. I think any other poem I have is one being forced by my high school English teachers. This poem was dated June of 2002. Even though it is old, emotions are still very familiar. As in few weeks familiar.

“You”
You were my best friend, the one I could turn to. You would give me hope when I became blue.

Your smile kept me going through the day, with your eyes so focused, I didn’t think you would ever go astray.

You had a soothing and electrifying touch. The way you complimented me, I couldn’t help but blush.

I thought you were different so I thought I would try. But like all the other men, you as well lie.

I hate the fact that you do not speak, for all I can do now is weep.

Nov 26, 2006
Just some thoughts

What’s the difference between friendships and intimate relationships when it comes to trust? Is there a difference? Are we more forgiving to friends than a significant other? If a person felt their trust was betrayed by a significant other they might break things off. But when a friend does it, generally don’t they try to work it out? Like intimate relationships, friendships also need work. Both friends have to put in the motivation to keep it alive and growing.
My trust with one of my friendships was placed on hold today. The question that is in my head that I am pondering is should I forgive or should I say, “Don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you.” Some people say they are nicest people to you, unless you do them wrong. Doesn’t everyone make mistakes though? Are we not human if we do not make mistakes? It’s easy to stay focused on another person’s mistakes instead of your own… What considers a mistake to be unforgivable? What is the friendship threshold from a human mistake?
I’m not sure if I have ever had to deal with a trust issue like this before. Either that or it’s been so long the glasses I’m wearing are so dusty that I can’t see through them. It’s not only the issue that’s a concern but the emotions that come along with it. I feel very betrayed and hurt by these actions.

They (“experts”) say holding a grudge is bad for your health. But yet you can’t let people walk all over you; you have to come to a happy-medium perhaps. Apparently, I haven’t figured out how to do that yet. I don’t like confrontation. Generally if I am fighting with someone I give in first. I hate not talking and giving/receiving the cold shoulder. Perhaps I don’t have the will power. I have not waived the truce flag yet; I’m trying to not make any choices until I cool down.

Oct 24, 2007
Busy busy busy
It has been awhile since I have written a blog regarding my life. So I thought I would blabber and possibly whine about what is going on in my life. The lack of blogs has been due to life events that have been keeping me fairly busy. I’m not trying to avoid my friends, unfortunately that’s just the way my life has to be right now.
At the beginning of September I finally moved out of my parent’s house. I am living with two very much bachelors. Yet, I am glad I am living with guys instead of gals. Granted dishes get piled in the sink and the garbage overflows with trash but I don’t have to worry about them stealing my clothes. Not to mention when girls are pissed at each other they find ways to get back at each other. Guys will just tell you straight up what your problem is. Or maybe I haven’t pissed off my roommates enough to know if they find ways to get back to you… My guys are very laid back and very open about things. So open I am beginning to think they consider me “one of the guys.” Which is good but can have its disadvantages. I think I am learning more about men than what I knew before. I am quite happy with my guys. They were very welcoming when I moved in. And they look out for me, I appreciate that.

One thing holding me back from moving out of my parents was lack of funds. To help with that subject I started a second job at Sanford. I never knew Sanford had a call center before I started working in it. My job duty is basically page doctors. Not too hard. With any life experience, there are lessons to be learned. This job can be a bit of a challenge as the shifts end at 10:30 pm. And if any of you know me, you know that I am in bed by that time. Another challenge is the strain it puts on my lupus. Extra stress causes my lupus to go into a flare (which is never fun). With working more hours I become more fatigued which means I don’t have much of a social life anymore. I miss my friends… I don’t think my friends understand that it is not that I do not want to see them; I just can’t physically do it.
I’m not sure how long I will have this second job. I suppose for however long I’m at the bank since the pay is crap. I hate to leave the bank though because I like my job. I actually enjoy going to work in the morning. I’m stuck because it’s hard to leave where I like to be, yet I need to get somewhere in life. Right now I am just “getting by” with two jobs. For now I will keep the second job but keep my eyes open.
I decided to get a new bedroom set. I figure I’m at a new place, have a new life, and so I should get new furniture. I had my old bedroom set for about 10 years. I had it all the way through high school and college. I thought I deserved new furniture and just looking at my old stuff reminded me of being a child. My new set is a little costly but I plan on keeping it for many years and getting my money’s worth. I am used to a plain mattress but decided on getting a pillow top mattress. It’s WONDERFUL! And I bought a down blanket. Not the real comforter but the cheaper one. I have wanted one for so many years. The only pillows I sleep with are feather so I was excited to get the blanket. It too, is WONDERFUL. Regardless of how crappy my day is, how stressed I am or can’t get any positive thoughts; I get into my bed and instantly think to myself, “I love my bed.”

My romantic relationships? Not so much. I won’t go into that. I have learned the hard way that I shouldn’t write about that area in a blog. All I can say right now is that I am single. Do I like it? Yes/No.

For about the first four weeks of moving out I couldn’t sleep. I was on sleep medication but after four weeks they finally put me on a second medication. I am happy to report that I am sleeping at night again. I still sometimes wake up to the slightest noise from my roommates but I’m sleeping and that’s all that matters. I was scared shitless to move out. I didn’t want to fail. But I’m finding out things always work out, even when you think it might not. It may take awhile, it might not…

There is my update and why I have been MIA. Ahhh to be an adult.

More past blogs to be posted soon…

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